Why telling doesn’t work – How leaders can transform their teams using a coaching approach
As a leader, you’ve likely experienced this frustrating scenario…
You’ve gathered your team, laid out your expectations, and offered what seems like clear guidance. Yet, despite your efforts, things don’t change. Your team continues to face the same challenges, and you feel like you’re wasting your breath.
Why don’t people change their behavior when you tell them to?
You may be a team leader, supervisor, or someone with years of valuable experience. You can see the solutions to your team’s problems as clearly as you can see your own reflection. From your perspective, the answers are obvious, and you want to help your team succeed. But instead of seeing the expected shifts in behavior, you’re met with resistance or indifference. The situation is frustrating—and often, it’s not a matter of incompetence on the team’s part. It’s a matter of how the team leader is engaging with them.
The Comfort Zone of “Misery”
The problem lies in human nature. We’re all creatures of habit, and we tend to prefer the certainty of what we know—even if it’s not ideal—over the uncertainty of trying something new, even if that new thing could lead to better outcomes. As the renowned family therapist Virginia Satir wisely said, “People prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty.”
This truth is evident in how we approach change. Research shows that many organizational change initiatives fail to achieve their objectives, largely because people resist stepping out of their comfort zones. This resistance stems from our instinctive drive to either move away from pain or toward pleasure. However, escaping discomfort is often a far stronger motivator than the pursuit of future rewards.
So, when you, as a leader, tell your team what to do differently, you’re essentially asking them to step into the unknown. And while you may see the path forward, they may not feel the same clarity or readiness to make the leap. This is where coaching can make all the difference.
The Power of Coaching: Creating Awareness for Change
Telling people what to change doesn’t work because they’re not yet ready to embrace change at the same level you are. Instead of giving solutions, coaching empowers your team to uncover solutions for themselves. This approach not only builds self-awareness but also fosters a deeper sense of ownership and accountability.
Studies reveal that employees who engage in coaching-focused development report significantly higher levels of job satisfaction, motivation, and productivity compared to those who receive only top-down directives. Coaching is about creating space for self-reflection, asking powerful questions, and guiding individuals to connect the dots. This process enables them to develop a sense of clarity and confidence about their decisions, leading to sustainable behavioral change.
Shifting from Telling to Coaching: Embracing the Uncertainty
For a leader to truly adopt a coaching mindset, it requires more than just new tools or strategies—it requires a shift in perspective. Stepping into the role of a coach means stepping out of your own comfort zone and embracing the vulnerability of the unknown. This can be challenging, but it’s also where the most significant growth occurs.
If you’ve never experienced coaching yourself as a leader, consider being on the receiving end before learning how to coach others. By working with a coach, you’ll gain first hand insight into the process—how it feels to be guided rather than directed, how reflective questions can spark new ideas, and how personal growth happens when there’s space to think deeply. This perspective will not only deepen your understanding of coaching but also help you better embody the skills needed to lead in this way.
The Changing Role of Leadership
The role of leadership is evolving rapidly. In today’s dynamic work environment, empowering teams to think critically and innovate is no longer optional—it’s essential. A Deloitte study emphasizes that organizations are increasingly prioritizing leaders who can foster collaboration and adaptability in their teams. The ability to coach is now a fundamental leadership skill, not a “nice-to-have.”
When you shift from telling to coaching, you create an environment where your team feels empowered to grow, experiment, and solve problems independently. Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating the conditions for others to find their own answers, make mistakes, and thrive.
Take the First Step
So, where do you start? Begin with small changes. In your next meeting, resist the urge to provide immediate solutions. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think is the best way to approach this challenge?” or “What have you learned from similar situations?” and then listen carefully to the answer. Tap on your curiosity as a leader and ask questions that tap into your team member’s wisdom.
This subtle shift in how you engage with your team can lead to profound results. Over time, you’ll see your team become more engaged, more confident, and more accountable. And in the process, you’ll grow as a leader who not only drives results but also fosters lasting, meaningful change.
